To Have Loved And Lost
by Kris10
Summary: Rikku/Auron pairing. It's hard to write a summary for. Please read it!


**To Haves Loved And Lost**

  
  
_(Author's Note: Personally, I think this is one of the worst fanfics I've ever done, but there you are... It's not especially brilliant, neither is it anything but cliched. The end is rubbish. Ugh... But still, I'm going to put it online. Oh well... And if you can't guess what kind of fic this is from the firdt few paragraphs, you haven't played the game...)  
  
_ **

To Have Loved and Lost

**  
  
As I sit here on the stairs of my Al Bhed home, I wonder. Was it really worth it? After all, we lost so much that day.  
  
I'll never feel like that again. I suppose everyone will say I'm being stupid, that he was only my first love. That he probably never thought about me in that way.  
  
He must have been at least twenty-five years older than me. As old as my dad, yeesh... Yet, I dunno, maybe I just go for older guys? But I definitely didn't like Seymour...  
  
One phrase rings through my mind though. It's one of Lulu's mottos, "It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." But I can't see how it's true...  
  
I wonder if he can hear me? I'll try it, I think...  
  
"Hey Auron..." I begin. What now? What if he really does hear me and thinks I'm a silly little girl?  
  
"What am I saying?" I ask myself, reminding myself I'm sitting on the grand staircase in my Psyches nightdress. I look at all the high tech machina around me.  
  
"Betcha never thought I could lead the Al Bhed, did ya?" I ask the cool night air. I hear a pinging noise, that can only mean a message in my e-mail Inbox. It's from an anonymous sender. As I am the Al Bhed Maester, I wonder why I'm surprised.  
  
On it is just one word, "No" I blink a few times then close the e-mail.  
  
"You can hear me?" Another e-mail appears. My heart races as I open it.  
  
"Hey Rikku!  
Thought you were coming to watch the Aurochs and the Goers tonight. Guess you were busy, ya? Come 'round when you have time. Wakka." I am furious with myself. I'm being stupid. Auron's dead, he's in the Farplane.  
  
" Rikku?" That deep masculine voice. It's haunted my dreams for months. I see him, sitting where I had been, lazily regarding me. I try to ignore my pounding heart.  
  
"Auron? H-How?" I ask. He laughs and stands up. He's so tall. So rugged looking. The rogue seems to be as taken aback as I.  
  
"Unfinished business. One last promise to keep," Auron explains. My heart sinks. He isn't here to see me? Of course he's not, he's just using here as a way to get into the world.  
  
"Oh, I see. Then you better be on your way then!" I smile as genuinely as I can. He looks at me for a long time, then opens the door and leaves. I hear his footsteps fading away outside.  
  
I go back to my step to think about what happened. I have just been given the chance to tell him, the chance I wanted, but I'd blown it. I couldn't hope for another one. Auron wasn't one to have to return for forgotten items.  
  
"Oh Auron, how hard is it to say? Why can't I just say it? Like Yunie did to Tidus?" I ask, talking to no one again. I climb the stairs, I haven't the courage to run outside and look for him in our new Home.  
  
I open the door to my room. After a second I notice a slight change in my room. Hanging from the coat hanger is a long red coat. Above my sink is a razor that I don't own. I see a sword propped against the wall, more precisely, a katana.  
  
The most noticeable thing however, is the fact that Auron is sat on my bed.  
  
"How did you get in here?" I demanded, trying not to sound shaken. "You haven't been going through my underwear or read my diary have you?" I joke. Auron smiles, it's so nice to know I've made him happy.  
  
"My last promise. It's to myself. I have to tell you... This makes me feel old..." Auron coughs. If I didn't know him better, I'd think he was nervous.  
  
"Rikku, I-" For some reason I stop him. Maybe for his pride, maybe for my sanity. I grab his shoulders and look into his eyes. Well, eye anyway...  
  
"No. Not now, you hear? I don't need words Auron. And knowing you'd say it in such a harsh, confusing way, I'd thin kit was and insult and run away in tears. Okay?" I ask. He seems amused, but he doesn't seem to mind that I've stopped him.  
  
"You're gonna go back to the Farplane after you've told me whatever it is, you know? So tonight, neither of us is going to use the L-word, okay?" His eyes turn sad.  
  
"You've grown so much Rikku. But you're still so young. I couldn't- I only came back to say-" I can't let him finish his sentence. I've been dying inside because he never said those words, but now, I never want to hear them.  
  
"Please Auron. Just one night. Is it too much to ask?" I beg, tears in my eyes. He reaches out but I can't let him touch me. Not until he agrees.  
  
"No, it's not. I'll do as you ask Rikku, but only because this'll be the last time we meet in this world," I sigh in relief and gently kiss him. I feel all the emotions catch up with me.  
  
It was like magic. I never knew I could feel this great. He didn't force me, but at the same time I wasn't in control. He seemed to know I'd never done this before. He guided me through out love making.  
  
I didn't feel self-concious at all. I thought I would have done. Maybe I was a bit scared of what he might think of my body, but no. He made every inch of me feel loved.  
  
And after, I fell asleep on his arms. The sound of his breathing is my lullaby.  
  
  
  
I wake when I feel lips gently brush against my own. I let the warmth surround me once more as I open my eyes. I see his scarred, handsome head above my own. And I know.  
  
"I love you," I whisper, letting tears fall down my cheek. He kisses me again.  
  
"I know you do. But don't cry Rikku, I'm with you... I can never leave you," He promises. I take a shuddering breath and hold him close to me. Only when I heard him chuckle did I let go.  
  
"Be a good Maester to the people. Care for them, as you care for me. I'll never forget tonight Rikku, never..." Auron drew this out longer than was needed. As much as I tried to let him finish, long goodbyes were never my scene.  
  
"Goodbye," I whisper. Auron nods and runs his good hand through my hair, leaving the other hand around my waist.  
  
"I love you," He says. Through my tear blurred eyes I see the pyreflies dispatch, and Auron disappears. I lie there for a while, just crying. Then I remember the task before me, to care for my people as I care for him...  
  
  
  
"Rikku!" Yuna calls. I turn to face her.  
  
"Why do I have to wear this Yunie? It's heavy and so old fashioned!" I protest as she pushes me onto the stage. It seems almost the whole of Spira has turned up for the Blitzball tournament.  
  
"Ahem... Hi!" I say as I compose myself. "We did it! We rebuilt Spira! We healed the wounds that Sin and Yevon inflicted. And now, what have we to do? You, you can live out your dreams, travel, blitz, even become Maesters!" I pause, then throw the prepared speech over my shoulder.  
  
"I know what I'll be doing. I'll be caring for Spira, like I care for my loved ones. Four years ago, a year after we defeated Sin, I felt love, for the first time. Just before he left, he told me to care for you all, as I care for him. I will do that. I hope that someday, you will know why I am telling you this. Until that day, take care," I then bow. Applause errupts from the stadium. I turn and hop off the stage.  
  
"Rikku, who was the man?" Lulu asks. I smile at her.  
  
"An older guy, that's all you need to know," I then go down to the beach to swim in the sea. 


End file.
